Warning Lights? What are those?
by Ninja Attack
Summary: Cowritten by Anneka and lily cavanaugh. Sillyfic. Nigel is hopelessly in love with Jordan, but she hardly even notices him. What can he do about it?


This story is a collaborative effort between myself, Anneka(who doesn't have an account here) and lily-cavanaugh.

A similar version of this story appeared earlier under lily-cavanaugh's name, but we've decided to replace it with this instead, in case anyone remembers it from earlier and is curious.

I'm afraid I can't figure out how to get page breaks to work just yet, so I'll just use letters for now.

And lastly, I'm open to suggestionson a better title...

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I, Nigel have a problem. I'm in love with my coworker, Jordan Cavanaugh. This wouldn't be a much of a problem, if it weren't for the fact that Jordan doesn't love me back. In fact, she hardly even likes me.

Every day I do nice things for her, trying to win her attention. I hack into databases she's suspicious of, investigate crime scenes she's too busy to visit, hold doors for her... Heck, I once even beat up a guy just to impress her.

However, none of these things ever work. No matter how helpful I am, how many laws I break just for her, at the end of the case, it's always, "Thanks for helping me with this case, Garret!" or, "Nice work, Woody!" Why can't it ever be, "I love you, Nigel!" or, "Nigel, you're so sexy!"

This isn't fair! Jordan has dated just about everybody else in our section, why not me? She had gone out with Garret, Woody, Dr. Stiles, Bug, even Lily! But no matter who or how many people Jordan was sleeping around with, it is always NOT NIGEL, no Jordan for me.

This is a problem, a real problem indeed. For me, anyway.

"Hey Nigel, could you help me with this?"

_yes milady, no milady, anything for you milady... just please notice me, just this once..._

No luck. Never any luck. I might just have to step it up a bit.

"Uhhhh, sure Jordan, what do you need?"

"Well, I kinda need you to hack into the FBI data base for me."

"Gimme five minutes and I'll be right there." Well, this should impress her, why does she need into the FBI data base anyway?

"What's up?" I may as well know what I'm getting myself into now...

She turned away, embarrassed. _Oh, Jordan, you're so beautiful when you blush... _The warning lights in my head are faulty.

"Well, I met this guy from the FBI who's really cute, and I love him, so I need his address so I can tell him my true feelings."

Really faulty warning lights. How can she do this to me?

"Jordan, you know that I can't use the systems for personal reasons." Oh, way to go Nigel, that'll really turn her on.

"It never stopped you before."

_Yes, but I've always had hope before._

"Tell you what, I'll do it if you have dinner with me."

_What! I can't believe that came out of my mouth! Am I more crazy than the 1,000 people who've told me so think!_

"Okay, sure Nigel. What do you have to discuss?"

_Did she just say yes!...wait a second... she thinks that this is a coworker thing- discuss the case, whatever... how do I tell her otherwise?_

"I mean as a date."

She just stares at me. There's a loooong pause. Extremely awkward. Not good for your self-confidence. I turn and mumble to the computer screen.

"Unless you've already got plans..."

Not good for the self-confidence at all.

"Uh, I don't think I have any plans..."

_Is she saying yes?_

"Sure, I'll go with you."

"Ok, so, uh, I know this place..."

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_Where is she? She's late! _

It's 7:02 and Jordan's late by two minutes. I'm pacing, (inside, technically I'm still in my seat) extremely nervous. The lady at the table in the middle of the room winks at me, and I realize that I've been staring at her shovelling her food into her mouth for the last two minutes- she's in between this table and the door. I turn away, embarrassed.

_Why did I pick this place? It's lame. The candles, cheesy, fake, decor... I thought that it would be romantic, but it's... but maybe she'll like it? No way, who am I trying to kid? (besides myself...)_

I'm not even going to hope. Much too dangerous for the already low self esteem.

I look back at the door. The lady winks at me again. She must be about 40, even if she is kinda hot...but my heart's set on Jordan, who is now 10 minutes late.

_Maybe it's the traffic? ...Or maybe she just plain hates my guts and is trying to tell me this somewhat discreetly._

Finally! Jordan walks in the door, and man, does she look hot in that red dress! I wave her over and sit her down. And then...

She trips on the tablecloth and the candles tip over. I dunk them and the smoldering table cloth into the ice bucket. All this before she's even managed to look at the menu.

_Good Lord she's blushing, and that dress! She's so, so hot._

"Hi Nigel. Good save."

She's looking rather embarrassed right now.

"Uhhhh, hi Jordan?"

"Sorry about that, I'm just a little clumsy tonight."

_Just a little Jordan! You set the table on fire._

"Hey, no biggie."

The waitress comes over and set us up at another table. Okay, now we're good.

"So... how's work going?"

I'm searching randomly for a subject. Unfortunately, this is the first thing that my pea-brain lands on. I need to get a life.

"Nigel, I thought we were classifying this as a date."

"Oh, yeah, sorry. Why?"

_Help! Idiot in need of a keeper!_

"Well, I try to refrain from talking about work on dates."

I need to get those darn warning lights checked next time I get the chance.

"Sorry. So how about I change that to 'how's life?'"

"I don't really want to talk about me. Can we talk about you instead?

"Uhhh, sure. What about me do you want to know?"

"Everything."

"How specific you are. Let's see. I grew up in England, you knew that. I moved to Boston, leaving all my life outside the morgue behind. Until now."

"Right, now let's be more specific."

_That dress looks so good on you.Beautiful Jordan, that's you. That dress makes you lookso hot..._

"Earth to Nigel, Nigel come in please."

"Huh, what?"

"What are you thinking about?"

"How hot you look in that dress."

_Oh Damn. Common sense, why did you leave me in this time of need? I just said that out loud to Jordan and you didn't stop me!_

"Ummmm, thanks, I think. Nigel, how long has it been since you were last on a date?"

"Since I broke off my engagement to Lily four years ago."

She just spat out her drink at me, why? Was it something I said?

"YOU AND LILY WERE ENGAGED?"

_Oops._

"Yeah, I forgot you didn't know that. Sorry."

"Ok, how did you and LILY get together in the first place?"

"You make it sound like it could never happen."

"Well, she just doesn't seem like your type, that's all. I mean, she's_ Lily_, for God's sake."

"Well, what would you say is my 'type'?"

Okay, she's going red again. Meaning... what?

"I dunno, maybe someone more... mysterious. Not so consistently... upbeat. Someone more like... me." The last bit came out as a whisper.

_Woah, did she just say what I think she said?_

"Y-you?"

She nods, she looks so shy. Who took over Jordan's body on me? My heart is beating insanely fast. I've waited a long time for this moment to come, but now that it's here, I don't know what to do!

"Nigel?"

"Yeah?"

_Help!_

"I... I think maybe I'm in love with you."

_Sooo, does this mean we can sleep together now?_

"What about that FBI guy?"

Okay. I think my brain is on autopilot. That just came out of my mouth, but I didn't say it. I totally forgot about that dude until now.

"I... kinda made him up."

"Jordan, do you want to go somewhere more... private to talk?"

"Sure."

_Oh, dang. Now where do I take her?_

"How about the park Nigel?"

_Parks are good, quiet but not presumsuous._

"Alright, Jordan."

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This is a nice park. There are trees. And benches. And those psycho squirrels that are crazy and chase you around and try to bite you. I must protect Jordan from the psycho squirrels from hell!

This is a type of stress reliever, deluding yourself. It makes you feel important.

Although there are squirrels in Boston, and some of them are psycho, no psycho squirrels currently reside in this park. which is a good thing for me and Jordan. Because if there was a psycho squirrel in this park, it would not be happy about me and Jordan walking under its tree.

Jordan drags me over to the top of the hill at the edge of the park. She shivers. I give her my coat. We lie down there together watching the stars.

"Nigel?"

"Yeah Jordan?"

"I can see why Lily would want to go out with you. Anyone in their right mind would."

"Funny. I always considered Renee to be in her right mind. But you know, she never seemed interested."

We both start laughing.

_I can't believe this is happening. I'm so cold right now. Well at least Jordan doesn't have to get her dress dirty..._

"Nigel, you look cold, do you want your jacket back?"

"I'm okay Jordan."

_Wonder what time it is... holy crap! It's 11:15._

"Nigel…"

"Yeah…"

She leans over and kisses me. I now realize that everything I ever felt with Lily was well, meaningless. I felt nothing with her but Jordan, oh yeah, Jordan.

/Beepbeep. Beepbeep. Beepbeep…/

Nigel sat up in bed. He was grasping at something that wasn't there. Realizing that he was sweat-soaked, and that the sheets were all tangled up around him, he looked at the alarm clock. It informed him that it was seven o'clock. Time to get up, another day of work. Maybe he'd get Jordan to notice him this time…

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This story is also property of lily-cavanaugh and Anneka, for those of you who only read closing author's notes, or something.


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